Tick, tick, tick….”, the clock making that sound was the only thing that she could hear at this time. Before that it was the sound of sewing machine that kept her up till 4am. Noise was the biggest issue of all. It seemed as if there was no escape to it. All day long and even all night she longed to get few moments of utter silence. The peace she felt in those moments was truly captivating, sometimes even ecstatic. But it was always days until she got that. Ever since her dad left her family, she and her mom had to work extremely hard to keep roof on their heads and put food on the table.
Noise that her younger brothers made at home, noise of her mother sewing all the time, noise at school, noise at restaurant where she catered. All that constant humming was a slow burn for her. It had colonized her mind for so long a time that she couldn’t even begin to think when was the last time she had a peaceful moment to herself.
Soon the alarm rang and she got up wondering if someone else does the same, wait for the alarm to ring so that they can leave their bed. Her mother sewed all night and now she was taking rest. So she had to get her brothers up, get them dressed, fed and sent to school and do the same for herself as well. She somehow knew that it was going to be a long, noisy day.
Even at school she was one of those odd ones, who no matter try hard to fit in but they can never be part of that “cool crowd”. She never found any charm in engaging in any risky or rebellious behaviour but if only she could be a part of something that could give some meaning to her useless, pathetic life. That was all she wished for.
Her attention was diverted by Sarah’s loud pitched voice. Standing with her group of friends she whined about having too much fat on her cheeks and how she needed to do something about it because it was making her feel ugly. But after a few no and nah from her friends she chinned up in a sensual selfsatisfied sort of way. She wondered if Sarah ever had real life problems, insecurities or fears that she actually had to worry about.
It isn’t until we appreciate the fragility of life, that we can truly value what we have.
The day passed in same monotonous routine, school ended and she went straight to resturant where she had to work till 11 at night. The place felt a bit crowded today and there was more hustle. True or not, this meant she had to work faster today. The orders were flying in and she was going with the flow of it but despite her best efforts to concentrate she couldn’t get those words of Sarah out of her mind. How could she consider herself ugly after having all that she had. All those shiny branded clothes, tall tan figure, perfect social life and a complete loving family. All of her desires should already be in perfect tandem with what she already had. What more could a person possibly want out of life? Occupied in her thoughts she tipped over leg of chair and dropped that big tray of food in her hands. Loud clatter of breaking of that crockery, she found herself covered with that food and there were some splashes on some of the guests as well. She couldn’t completely keep the track of events that happened afterwards. The air around her suddenly thickened and she was stuggling for breath. Anger was rising inside her. The rage felt as powerful, unconsenting and extraordinary as a contraction. All her life flashed before her eyes and she could see the consequences of it. She didn’t even stay to see if she was fired or not. She walked towards home in dark, and was in desperate need of quiet and peace. She walked past a group of boys who catcalled her and gave her explicit details about what they would like to do to her. Normally she wouldn’t have cared but today that added to her distress even more. The noise of it all was now becoming painful. She knew it was the night. As soon as she got home, she went straight upto her room, her mother was arguing with her father over the phone because of the financial issues,one of her brothers called after her but she couldn’t be bothered now. She needed to get all that mess off her clothes and that noise out of her mind before it all got too much for her. She turned on the bath and got in. As soon as she was in water her agitation lessened a little. She further dipped down until she was completely inside water. All that noise, unnecessay thoughts and fears disappeared instantly. See, was it too much to ask for a little peace. What a releif it was. She relished that emptiness and embraced the numbness that was slowly developing. She felt as if all her memories were being washed away and there was nothing to be worried about at all. The darkness flooded her but she welcomed it like a long lost friend. The only noise that she could hear now was her own thumping heart and that was bearable because that was also fading…..promising an eternal escape from all the pain and noise.
The day passed in same monotonous routine, school ended and she went straight to resturant where she had to work till 11 at night. The place felt a bit crowded today and there was more hustle. True or not, this meant she had to work faster today. The orders were flying in and she was going with the flow of it but despite her best efforts to concentrate she couldn’t get those words of Sarah out of her mind. How could she consider herself ugly after having all that she had. All those shiny branded clothes, tall tan figure, perfect social life and a complete loving family. All of her desires should already be in perfect tandem with what she already had. What more could a person possibly want out of life? Occupied in her thoughts she tipped over leg of chair and dropped that big tray of food in her hands. Loud clatter of breaking of that crockery, she found herself covered with that food and there were some splashes on some of the guests as well. She couldn’t completely keep the track of events that happened afterwards. The air around her suddenly thickened and she was stuggling for breath. Anger was rising inside her. The rage felt as powerful, unconsenting and extraordinary as a contraction. All her life flashed before her eyes and she could see the consequences of it. She didn’t even stay to see if she was fired or not. She walked towards home in dark, and was in desperate need of quiet and peace. She walked past a group of boys who catcalled her and gave her explicit details about what they would like to do to her. Normally she wouldn’t have cared but today that added to her distress even more. The noise of it all was now becoming painful. She knew it was the night. As soon as she got home, she went straight upto her room, her mother was arguing with her father over the phone because of the financial issues,one of her brothers called after her but she couldn’t be bothered now. She needed to get all that mess off her clothes and that noise out of her mind before it all got too much for her. She turned on the bath and got in. As soon as she was in water her agitation lessened a little. She further dipped down until she was completely inside water. All that noise, unnecessay thoughts and fears disappeared instantly. See, was it too much to ask for a little peace. What a releif it was. She relished that emptiness and embraced the numbness that was slowly developing. She felt as if all her memories were being washed away and there was nothing to be worried about at all. The darkness flooded her but she welcomed it like a long lost friend. The only noise that she could hear now was her own thumping heart and that was bearable because that was also fading…..promising an eternal escape from all the pain and noise.
Haniya Wasim
~1st year